I started writing a book. I learned to spell. And, most importantly, God spoke to me. It’s been quite a journey.
This is a personal essay, not a recommendation endorsed or endorsed by ATTitude. Speak to your doctor for more information on ADHD treatment.
In 1993, I was diagnosed as having ADHD, Combined Type. I was 41 at the time. In the early 1990s, clinicians began to consider ADHD as an adult diagnosis. It was believed that ADHD was only a childhood condition that would pass by late adolescence. I learned about ADHD during a professional conference I attended. I remember thinking, upon hearing the diagnosis criteria and validity of ADHD continuing into adulthood: “Well, that explains a great deal about my life.” and “I wish I had known about this years earlier!”
After a few tests and an interview with a mental healthcare professional, I was diagnosed with ADHD, Combined Type. I was prescribed Ritalin. Over the years, I’ve tried a few different ADHD medications. Despite a few adverse side effects that I have physically adjusted to or learned to tolerate, I have taken 20 milligrams of brand-name Ritalin every 3 1/2 hours ever since.
Since then, I’ve become less strict about taking my medications on time. They say that “the biggest issue for people with ADHD, is that they forget their medication.”
Since I’ve been taking Ritalin for so long, I am prone to forgetting it. If I don’t put in place mechanisms to remind me when I last took a dose (to remember when to take the next one), I may even forget that I ever took it. It is disconcerting that after taking this medication for nearly 10,000 days, I sometimes confuse the day I think I took the dose with the one I took. I’m also so busy I can’t remember when I took my medication. I’m unsure if I considered taking the drug, but I forgot.
In the past, I would use my digital watch’s backtime to remind me to take my medicine on time. Now that I wear a new look, I write down the time on my hand to confirm I’ve taken the dose and to remind me when to take the following amount. I’m sure you’ll see some ink on my hand if we ever meet. You will know exactly what it means. But let’s keep this a secret.
Adult ADHD?
I had no idea what to expect when I started taking my medication. I thought it would fix all my problems. It didn’t work out that way. Fortunately, my psychiatrist and other supportive people helped me to understand that medication could only make my brain function more normally. I was responsible for my personal growth. The old saying “old habits are difficult to break” is undoubtedly true. But the older I become, the more I realize that these habits, as maladaptive as they might have appeared, were coping strategies that I developed by myself in the absence of information on ADHD. Once I was drugged and could access my brainpower more effectively and consistently, the changes started.
It was only after I read about ADHD that I began to see the changes. I learned why I acted as I did and discovered other options to help me survive. The story of a student in elementary school who said that the medicine didn’t change him, but it gave him a moment to reflect before he did something, was one I will never forget. This helped me to have a better understanding of the treatment and recovery.
Seeing how the medication has affected me over the years is incredible. However, it was a gradual process. My emotional and mental maturation was slowed by 40 years of reduced activity in my prefrontal cortex (where executive functions are located) because I couldn’t process this information until I started taking medication. Although some may be offensive to that statement, I am finally catching up. Although I still have impatience, I’m better at controlling it. My adrenaline addiction has diminished, but it could be due to my age. I’m better at entertaining opposing ideas than I was before. All of the above things may be a result of maturation. (Having lived long enough to grow up). The improvement in my spelling has been one of the most remarkable changes.
Download this free resource: How do we know if the medication works?
Spelling was the bane in my life. I had multiple learning disabilities, but none were discovered until my early forties. In high school, I felt like I failed and was constantly challenged academically. I even had suicidal ideas. The feeling of failure I felt in several classes was encapsulated in the phrase “I can’t spelling.” I interpreted this as “I am stupid, an idiot, a failure, and there is no chance for me.”
I still remember that breakthrough moment. When I was 16, I realized there are more important things in life than spelling. I’m grateful to God for bringing this thought to my mind through the fog of feeling like I failed. It’s hard to believe that God could have brought it into my mind because I was miserable and lonely then. After that revelation, I let go of many of the academic expectations I had set for myself. Three years later, at age 19, I wrote my first novel. The book sold 20,000 copies around the world. It’s not bad for an “idiot”. I am grateful to God for his intervention.
I don’t know if the medication has made me better at spelling. It could have played a role, but it’s more likely that I began to pay more attention to how words were spelt. As I began to pay more attention to the words I heard, I became better at decoding and encoding them using the paradigms I developed to spell. My ability to spell has improved over the years. Math? That’s another story.
As you may or may not know, I wrote one of the first books on ADHD and relationships, called ADD & Romance (#CommissionsEarned). This book was a collection of stories I’d heard from clients I had worked with in a clinical setting, as well as my own experiences living with ADHD and the difficulties associated with relationships. Over the years, I’ve gotten better with relationships. The improvement I have seen is not directly related to the medication.
[Ritalin Redux]
Even if we can’t process them, our brains can store an entire lifetime of experience. Once the brain starts working like it should, it will take time to process and learn from those experiences. When asked for the time it took him to create his latest painting, the accomplished artist replied, “All my lifetime.” It took me my entire life to mature (catch up) after starting medication for ADHD.
The first time this happened to me was when I interned at a private psychiatric hospital. This happened shortly after I began treatment for ADHD, and I was working as an intern in a private mental hospital. After a group session with patients about relationships, I walked back to my office and mused on their comments. Then, I began to reflect upon my own life. I had an “aha!” moment regarding my relationships. For the first time, I recognized something my therapist worked on with me in therapy seven years ago! Life experiences and therapy experiences were stored in my mind but were not processed until then. The only way I could process the information was when I took medication. It took me seven years to be able therapeutically to process this information because I had untreated ADHD. The good news is that, even after considering inflation, I received therapeutic benefits in 1994 using 1987 dollars.
You may be new to the ADHD world or have been there for some time. It might be helpful for older adults with ADHD to read about and discuss their experiences to find or give validation for themselves and others. We can all be ourselves here and learn from one another’s experiences. I appreciate you allowing me to share some of my personal experiences with you.
I look forward to reading about your experiences.