National Stress Awareness Month is April, so you may find your social media feeds full of posts about meditation, mindfulness and other tools we’ve heard can help us manage stress. There’s something that is often missing from stress discussions: boundaries.
The subject of boundaries can seem vague and abstract. Clarifying your boundaries can be a crucial step to managing stress, self-care and resilience.
We’ll discuss how to create health boundaries in order to reduce stress and improve overall wellbeing.
What are healthy stress boundaries?
A boundary can be defined as a line dividing one thing from another. There are other types of boundaries which are not as clear-cut as a fence. Our own boundaries are our skin, personal space, and our yard.
Social boundaries are important, such as the intimacy of our relationship with our romantic partner. This would not be comfortable for a casual acquaintance. Time, emotional intimacy and ideas and thoughts are all boundaries. Understanding, appreciating, and navigating boundaries are important for your wellness journey as well as building healthy relationships, navigating work and life, and more.
BORDERS AND STRESS
There are many types of stress. Some are good for you. Dr. Kelly McGonical – contributing author of NASM’s Certified Wellness Coaching Course – discusses the positive effects of stress in her book The Upside of Stress.
She examines the scientific evidence that shows those who have a healthy relationship with stress and an appropriate amount, improve their mental health and achieve better results. This new way of looking at stress suggests that it is not something to avoid, but rather to choose and manage with mindfulness.
The perception of being stretched or overwhelmed is a more inclusive definition of stress.
By defining your boundaries, you can reduce stress and create clarity about what resources are available. Time boundaries are a good example. You can set boundaries and protect your evenings by deciding that you will spend them with your family.
Set Healthy Boundaries
To set healthy boundaries, you must first decide what’s important to you. The time example may resonate with you if family is important to you. If you are in a time in your life when work and career is your top priority, then working late might be the best option for you.
Perhaps your top priority is to work on your wellness journey. The boundary priority could be to protect time for you to meditate, learn, go to the gym or journal.
Consider that you will have to say no to other things for each activity, responsibility, commitment, project or commitment to which you say yes. It may be obvious, but this can become a stress-reduction practice. Consider the impact of new commitments on your time and energy if you are already overwhelmed or want to avoid burnout and overwhelm. Ask yourself, “If I commit to this, what other commitments am I putting on hold?”
As an example, a person who values family time may be asked by a boss to take a call at 5:30 pm. After pondering “what can I say no to?,” they realize that taking the call will mean missing their daughter’s basketball game tonight or dinner with their partner. This contrast makes it easier to understand that, unless there’s an urgent need, the call should wait until tomorrow.
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The challenges of having healthy boundaries
It’s common to feel guilty, shame or other negative feelings when you set boundaries. You might feel like you’ll be perceived by others as entitled, laziness, or uncommitted to what they see as important. These perceptions are real. If you base your decisions on what you perceive as another’s expectations and values, your deepest desires will not be fulfilled. You may also find that other people will respect your boundaries if you communicate them clearly.
Stress management begins with clear communication about boundaries. By preparing ahead of time, you can avoid uncomfortable feelings or situations.
Boundaries can be challenged by more than just communication or time. You will have times where others are frustrated by your boundaries and you will see that they do not agree with them. It can be useful to keep in mind that another person’s perception about what you want may not be accurate.
It may be difficult to set boundaries, but it is important to protect the resources you need to focus on your goals and values.
CONCLUSION
Many of us are unable to manage the demands and commitments on our time. We’re forced to choose what to say “yes” to or “no”.
Managing the demands of your life requires you to learn how to set boundaries. This includes time, energy and personal space. Meditation, mindfulness, breathing exercises, and retreats are great ways to reduce stress. However, managing boundaries will allow you to limit or remove the overall demands in your life.
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